With all the stuff happening in our world we are all being pushed to our limits, this is actually a good thing for it will break us free…
As an empathic being we are feeling what is happening around us, wither we are aware of this or not… A part of us wants to cry, another scream, another shut down, another love All that Is … Yes, We, all of us want to see and feel Love for ALL that is … At the edge of our collective awakening it seams as if the world is going mad, but in fact all is perfect …
and I received a quote from Adyanshanti yesterday from a close friend,
“Spiritual people can be some of the most violent people you will ever meet. Mostly, they are violent to themselves. They violently try to control their minds, their emotions, and their bodies. They become upset with themselves and beat themselves up for not rising up to the conditioned mind’s idea of what it believes enlightenment to be. No one ever became free through such violence. Why is it that so few people are truly free? Because they try to conform to ideas, concepts, and beliefs in their heads. They try to concentrate their way to heaven. But Freedom is about the natural state, the spontaneous and unselfconscious expression of beingness. If you want to find it, see that the very idea of a someone who is in control is a concept created by the mind. Take one step backward into the unknown. ”
I had to sat a moment and meditate on that one …
I know for a fact that I have been very hard on myself.. I have “failed” many other past lives and I remember vividly arriving on earth in the 70’s KNOWING this TIME I WILL SUCCEED …. It was, and still is a very important part of my path here on earth and I have been really hard on my self … Iam pissed off when iam not good enough, not wise enough, not compassionate enough, not lovable enough or when I judge others and I feel sorry for my self, when iam angry or sad and even when iam too joy’full !! isn’t that crazy!?? I am upset when I take too much room, when I shine too bright, when I tell others they are fake, when i Judge … I judge a lot, truly … I even Judge my Self for judging !… I wanted to come here to experience Unconditionally Love so guess what !? yup, I have attracted CONDITIONAL relationship … all the Way !! I have attracted the Perfect companions that would put me down every time I was not allowing them to bully or take advantage of me .. saying “hmmm you are so negative for a positive person” …. and when I did asked for unconditional love I was told “You ?? do you really think one can love YOU as such ?”
The laugh that came after still resonate in my head ….
SO what did I do “wrong”
well I only fed my Illusion !! Anything I came to experience Was an illusion because In reality well .. IAM THAT IAM !
IAM love, IAM loved, IAM happiness, IAM not my emotion. I choose to feel them to express my illusions …
that is all ….. IAM
Beingness is what we came to experience, anything else is am illusion …
When I was 19 I experienced a lot of trauma, i broke my back was paralyzed for a few month, had people washing my body, feeding me and all kind of stuff, I felt very humiliated as I couldn’t do anything on my own and was depending on my Family ( for i didn’t have a nurse to help me ) and they made sure that I got they didn’t like it ! and I totally understand their position … Plus I got an implant that stopped me from thriving, the day I fell and broke my back two weird “beings” were falling me around … Long story short, I know today who they were and I did what I had to do to remove it. But after this accident Everything in my life turn to hell ….
I was raped a few month after I got better, by a “friend” that pretended to be chased by neo NazI and begged me to open my door to “save” him, even though My intuition told me NOT To, I did … and it happened ..
The shock was so severe that I totally blanked out , I “died” under his hands …. I remember being out of my body at first , I was in the corner of my ceiling observing what was happening, I already didn’t have any judgment over what was taking place, then something amazing happened, I didn’t go through a tunnel and I did not see no bright white and blue light, I wasn’t welcomed by loved one, not at all. My experience was very different !
I BECAME THE UNIVERSE !!
I was everything, every one, I knew everything, felt all that is, I had no emotion, no judgment all was bliss, all was peace I was back in my light body and I was FREE, Power’full, eternal, all knowing ….
Then I knew I had to go back and I did, At first coming back in that “shell” wasn’t so cool, plus I still had that man on top of me, he had stopped and was punching my face, freaking out, when I grasp air, he screamed ” you fucking Bitch I though you were dead ” and run off leaving me on the floor … The executioner became the victim.
I had no pain, no sadness, I didn’t even realized what just had happened to my physical self all I was remembering was the Bliss I had just experienced .. I never suffered from this attack, it never affected me, I was not thankful it happened , but I knew why it had happened … I needed this to re’member who I was ….
Off course I went straight back in my bad habits, I didn’t love my self, that is the stranger thing, I just did not fit in and I wanted to be love so desperately that I chose the worst unloving relations one could ever dream of !!
I started Channeling at 27 and still then I didn’t listen, what MY THOUGHT AFFECT MY WORLD ? it is that Simple ?? well I will NOT be in control or responsible for my life, no, I wanted OTHERS to do it for me … SO I paid the hard price, trust me …. What You focus On DO Manifest, that Universal law effects EVERYONE.
And All that time I judged my self: If Iam the universe How can I be so Cheap, ignorant, emotional and weak ? I chose to Punish my self over and over and over Until .. when Not too long ago actually !
It finally hit me … IAM ALREADY WHO IAM LOOKING TO BE, I do not NEED ANYONE … IAM THE FREAKING UNIVERSE FOR GODDESS SAKE ! All I have to DO is BE … because One thing I remember in my near death experience is that … When you are the universe you do not feel the wind or the sun on your skin, you are not angry so you can not eat or taste food and drinks, you can not in’joy a kiss or the touch of a hand on your skins, you can not feel pain nor joy, you are WHAT YOU ARE … all KNOWING … yeah its cool but BEING HUMAN is cool too, especially when you get the hand of it, then ALL become easy, ’cause we have Powers, intuition, telepathy and we are power’full manifester, we can have incredible meaningful experiences and we can HAVE IT ALL or NOTHING AT ALL …. It is all in Our hands.
People can hate, reject, judge us; We are still Loved, they are still loved too.
What I have learned in all of this is That it takes great courage to ACCEPT our flaws, our imperfection But When WE do, FREEDOM comes and KNOCK at our door and then we can start to really experience MAGIC.
So what is happening with our world ? well we are trying to control too much, we are faking it too much, we are lying to Our selves and Blaming to much … We are violent with ourselves then we wonder why we are living such messed up situations …
We are called to open up our heart, to become all that we are, but instead we chew on our Ego like rat on cheese and we Blame .. of yes we blame …. We are afraid to feel, we are afraid to heal. Cause Hurting IS healing !
So I suggest to all of you that are reading this to turn it all around, to make it happened, to become the peace and the love you are seeking … Love your shadows, Love it all, be all that You Are. You know why ?
The world need you in order to change, yes it needs Us to change
and So it is,